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My Evil Family

How Lou Became Almighty

Now we come to the story of my grandmother, the Almighty Louisa Norris Sullivan etc., etc. Her father built Gilded Elms, where she grew up as the pampered, adored, and strong-willed daughter of a diplomat, and where she still lives. She inherited the house after her parents died and moved in as a young bride with her husband, Alphonse Sullivan, Jr., a diplomat like her father.

As a girl, Almighty's best friend was Mary Margaret Rennert, known as Mamie or Mame. Mamie's father, James Rennert, owned a newspaper. Together Mamie and Almighty Lou ruled St. Maggie's School. They had the best parties. They rode horses and swigged champagne and jumped into fountains in their fancy clothes. They were famous for crashing stag parties at the Maryland Club wearing only bathing suits under their fur coats. Read More 
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September 14

On this date in 1814, Francis Scott Key wrote "The Star Spangled Banner" in Baltimore, spawning a local preppy tradition of naming kids "Key" that continues to this day.
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How to Get Rich Using Evil

The Wrong Side of the Civil War—That Would Be the Evil Side

Another branch of my family are the Norrises. They also came to Baltimore from Ireland. Wilbur Norris got rich by ripping off poor people. He bought their farmland cheap, then sold it to the B&O Railroad for a fortune. Soon he was on the board of directors of the railroad, raking it in.

It's pretty hard to get rich without ripping off somebody. That's the point I'm trying to get across here. Read More 
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How to Drive Your Therapist to Suicide

Just for fun, let’s talk about another member of my family for a change. How about . . . oh. . . um . . . my mother?

My mother, Virginia Wells Sullivan. We call her Ginger, ’cause she hates to be called “Mom.” According to her, just hearing the word “mom” ages a woman twenty years. And it’s not very chic. So Ginger it is.

Ginger’s got plenty of secrets I could spill—just as one example, did you know she uses a face cream with rabbit pee in it to keep her skin smooth?

Here’s a typical Ginger day:  Read More 
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in praise of bad taste

Divine lives up to her name.

My grandmother and my parents are always talking about good taste. What's in good taste, what's not in good taste, what's done and what's simply not done, who are our kind of people and who aren't. Well I'm sick of it. Good taste is SO BORING.

I'm writing today in praise of bad taste. Bad taste is good. Everything I like is considered bad taste. Why? Because it scares the good taste people! And scaring the good taste people is my new mission in life.

Please join me in my celebration of bad taste, starting with the Pope of Trash, John Waters (see deranged Santa, left). Read More 

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Joan of Arc and the Cramps

Maybe you're wondering what the pictures on my blog mean. First there's our house, which Bridget drew for me--I have to admit she's a way better artist than I am. I have three brothers and two sisters and the oldest kid living at home gets the Tower Room for a bedroom. First St. John had it, then Sully, and now my sister Norrie . . . but next year she's going to college and it will be my turn.

Next: Joan of Arc. Sister Mary Joseph made us choose a patron saint in Religion class and she's mine. For one thing, we have (almost) the same name: Jane/Joan. But mostly she is the most badass saint. She was a teenage rebel. She was burned at the stake for defying the Church. Later (years and years later) the Church gave in and made her a saint. They should have listened to her in the first place! It makes me mad whenever I think about it.

For fun I threw in a picture of St. Uncumber, the beaded-lady saint. Her father was making her get married but she didn't want to so she prayed to God to keep her a virgin. The next morning she woke up with a beard. Mission accomplished, God. Read More 

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Evil Comes to America

My ancestor Francis Sullivan immigrated to Baltimore
from County Meath, Ireland, in 1847, during the
Great Famine. He was twenty-one and illiterate. Like
many Irish immigrants, he found work on the B&O
Railroad. Francis liked to drink a lot. So did most of
the other railroad men. It was starting to become a
problem — fights, broken marriages, the usual — so
some women and priests started an abstinence
movement called Society of the Divine Thirst. It was
kind of like Prohibition in the 1930s, except drinking
wasn’t outlawed, just severely frowned upon. Read More 
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My Family Is Evil

Welcome to myevilfamily.com, a blog written by me,
Jane Sullivan, to expose the sins of my family. We
have committed a lot of sins over the centuries, so
I’ll start at the beginning and work my way up to
now. Once I’ve covered every thing my family has
done wrong, maybe I’ll move on to the crimes of
other evil families I know.

On this blog, You, the World at Large, will learn the
truth about the great and storied Sullivan family of
Baltimore, Maryland. Maybe you’ve heard of my
grandmother, Arden Louisa Norris Sullivan Weems
Maguire Hightower Beckendorf, better known as
“Almighty Lou.” Why does she have so many names?
Because she’s been married five times. She’s never
been divorced — she’s a heavy-duty Catholic, so the
very idea of divorce makes her shudder. No, her first
four husbands died. Four of them. Died. Does this
make anyone suspicious? Am I the only one asking
questions here? Read More 
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