My Evil Family

Last Post for a While

December 29, 2010

Tags: Almighty, endings

Now that the year is drawing to a close, I'm going to take a break from this blog. For one thing, pretty much everyone in my family hates me for it. For another, my grandmother Almighty wants me to stop and what Almighty wants, Almighty gets. Let's just say she has her ways.

There are plenty of old posts to read if you're looking for stories of family evil. I don't think they feel dated. Evil never goes out of style.

Thanks to everyone who stopped by to read my posts. Who knows, I may start this up again one day, once all the family hysteria dies down...

yours in bad taste,

JANE OUT

Why Christmas Sucks

December 20, 2010

Tags: Christmas

It just does. I don't feel like getting into it right now.

JANE OUT

Babes in Toyland

December 12, 2010

Tags: Christmas movies, Babes in Toyland

What IS this?
Everyone in my family is obsessed with Christmas movies. Norrie has a panic attack if she doesn't get to see It's a Wonderful Life, A Charlie Brown Christmas, and at least one version of A Christmas Carol before December 25 every year. Sassy and Takey will watch any movie that even mentions Christmas, no matter how bad. And when St. John comes home he monopolizes the stereo with 24 hours of nonstop Christmas music. He insists on playing the Frank Sinatra Christmas album at least once a day ALL THE WAY UNTIL NEW YEAR'S.

And you wonder why I say my family is evil? I'm about to run screaming out of the house with my hands over my ears. (more…)

A Sullivan Family Thanksgiving Special

November 22, 2010

Tags: Thanksgiving, gratitude

Thanksgiving is this Thursday. Ginger may think I'm an ungrateful brat but there are a few things I'm thankful for, and I'd like to mention them here:

1. I'm thankful for the two and a half days we get off from school for Thanksgiving. (more…)

Almighty's Evil Plan (My Theory)

November 16, 2010

Tags: Almighty, Mamie Overbeck, Junius Overbeck, Brooks, Norrie, Bachelors Cotillon, Great Expectations, Miss Havisham, evil

Some people — not that many anymore, but some — are fascinated by the Bachelors Cotillon, what it means, and how the girls who are invited are selected. Almighty Lou has a lot to say about who she thinks is “good enough” to be a debutante. Even though she herself is rich, she doesn’t place much emphasis on money. No, this is Baltimore, where family and background are every thing. Anybody can get money. Connections are helpful, and, if necessary, blackmail works too. (more…)

report from bibi's halloween party

November 9, 2010

Tags: Halloween, Bibi, Bridget, sexy kitties

One good thing about Halloween
Sorry it took me so long to report on Halloween. I did this whole big build-up to it here on the blog and then the day itself was such a let-down I couldn't bring myself to write about it for a week or so. (more…)

Halloween Part Deux

October 26, 2010

Tags: halloween, Almighty, Bertram Hightower, ghosts

Look! The Windsors with Adolf Hitler! The evil, it's everywhere...
Okay, Halloween is this weekend. I've really got to get on it.

Bridget doesn't want to help me crash Bibi's party by being a lapdog for some stupid reason, and Sassy wants me to take our little brother Takey out trick or treating around the neighborhood with her. That means stopping at Almighty's house. Hmmm. Maybe I don't want to go to Bibi's dumb party after all. I'm getting an idea here... (more…)

What Should I Be for Halloween?

October 19, 2010

Tags: halloween, Bibi

My former friend Bibi D'Alessandro is having a big Halloween party this year. How do I know? Not because I was invited, that's for sure. I'm practically the only girl in school who wasn't invited, except for Bridget and the slut contingent, Shea and Caitlin. Bibi even invited my older sister, Norrie, just to twist the knife a little. She can't hurt me, though. Norrie isn't going to Bibi's dumb party. She has better things to do, like juggle boyfriends. (more…)

The Black Widow

October 7, 2010

Tags: Almighty, Mame Rennert, Junius Overbeck, marriage, money

Almighty was born with lots of money. I've already told you some of the evil ways her ancestors earned it. But she has even more money now. How did she get it? By marrying people.

My grandmother has been married five times. Her first husband, Alphonse Sullivan, Jr., my grandfather, was rich like her. But he died of a heart attack when he was 43. People said he worked too hard. My father was only ten years old at the time. Almighty inherited Al Jr.'s share of his family's money, of course. Cha-ching. (more…)

Almighty vs Mame: Socialite Smackdown

September 29, 2010

Tags: Almighty, Mamie Overbeck, the Duchess of Windsor

I feel so empty inside: The Duke and Duchess of Windsor
And so the great feud began. Mamie's wedding to Junius Overbeck was the social event of the year. Almighty was invited but refused to go. No, she had a better idea. A lovely, wicked idea.

Almighty threw a party of her own the same day as Mamie's wedding. But this was no ordinary party. It was an irresistible invitation. A reception at Gilded Elms with none other than the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. You know, Edward, Prince William's great-great uncle? The guy abdicated the British throne so he could marry his true love? Who just happened to be a Baltimore girl, Wallis Warfield Simpson, and an old girlfriend of Almighty's father. (more…)

Confessions of the Sullivan Sisters